No, this is not a post about Frozen, but I’ll forgive you for thinking that.
This is a post about how freaking hard it is to let things go: people, places, things that no longer, or never did, serve you.
It’s hard to know when things are no longer working. And when you know it, sometimes it’s hard to admit it. Especially when it comes to people. It is incredibly difficult to know when a relationship is truly no longer serving you, and when it is just going through a bit of a rough patch and will be back on track with some patience and effort.
I have moved around a lot. In the past 7 years, I have moved ten times (and that’s just moving cities, not apartments). I have a bit of a nomadic spirit, and I am learning to accept that about myself. But even so, I have a really hard time letting go of how things were, or where we used to live. Every time we gear up to go somewhere new, I cling like a koala to the old. Even when it’s a place that I never wanted to stay. Even when it’s somewhere that I actively campaigned to leave behind. Suddenly, with the prospect of change on the horizon, I can’t deal. (Which, I’d like to note, is insane because I thrive on change.)
All of a sudden, I am in love with all of the tiny things that I couldn’t stand before. All of a sudden, I’m tearing up at the thought of never having my feet stick to the crappy linoleum floor again. All of a sudden, I’m experiencing chest tightness over actually doing the one thing that we have been dreaming about doing all along.
It is never easy to let go. It is never easy to leave something behind, especially when it is something that has offered so much to you. Calgary has been a generally good experience to us. It’s not the place for us, but it has been good to us over the past year. We’ve had some great experiences, met some great people, made some big changes. I’m going to miss the view from our apartment window, and our hipster neighborhood, and even my far-inferior-to-Edmonton-river-valley runs. I’m going to miss the proximity to the mountains. I’m going to miss being in such a prime location for visiting all of our families.
It’s a mixed bag. There are always going to be things that you miss. The art of letting go is acknowledging them, being grateful for them, and then looking forwards to the new and wonderful things that are going to happen next.
If you ever figure out how to do that with grace and no chest tightness, please let me know.
And now, of course. You knew it was coming: